Tag: thoughts

Indie Life and my Journey

I thought I should take a moment to reflect on my progress thus far as an independent author, and let me tell you it is not easy. Each day is filled with an internal conflict to keep pressing forward. It is a daily struggle to remain motivated and focused and that each day is one step closer to my goals. But it is…hard. Some days are better than others. I have days where I am filled with so much self doubt and procrastination that I type less than two pages and give it up for the day. Or two… Some days I feel like there is just not enough time in the day to finish what I am working on. I have the vision; I see where I want to go, but some days this engine of mine runs out of gas.

Will I ever quit?

No. Writing has always been a passion of mine and anyone that knows me can testify to that. Creativity flows through me like a  river to an open ocean and I know there is no way that I will ever quit doing what I love to do. But this journey of mine does get tiring. For those that do not understand what you do a great deal of time is spent trying to convince them to share your vision; and then more time is wasted trying to make those same people understand that the life of an author is a slow grind. Success is not overnight. A lot of work goes into self publishing starting with finishing the manuscript, and then it is on to revisions and editing, and formatting…designing the covers for the book…and then the business/marketing side of the deal.

But the biggest struggle that I have encountered in this journey is trying to forge relationships with other people who do what you do; who understand your pain and struggle: other authors. All of my networking with other authors is done on Facebook and other social media platforms. I try to offer my support by promoting their work on my website and blogs, tagging and liking and posting their work on pages and what I have come to conclude is that each author is their own island. As an author myself I have found it difficult finding that balance between helping someone else fulfill their dream and accomplishing my own. As much as I would like to I cannot read everyone’s manuscript, post a review on Amazon and then share their links on all of my social media accounts…only for the favor to never be returned.

Am I relying on other authors to help me get to where I want to be? Hell no. I do everything on my own and I am working hard to build my own audience and I know most of that comes from word of mouth, but there is something to be learned from authors who are more experienced and have an idea of where they are going. I just barely figured out my direction and I know that with consistency and great deal of hard work I will have my own audience begging me to hurry up and release a work of mine. But until then, I guess the life of an indie author is a solitary one-meaning, no more networking (or attempts to network) but focusing on building my own brand.

My stories are original 100% and the day my work is no longer authentic is the day I will quit writing. Yes I have favorite authors whose work I admire and inspired me to pick up the pen but never do I read someone else’s work and then try to duplicate that same story by changing the names and faces of the characters. I see a lot of that going on…but hey to each his own….

To those who stumble across this blog, understand that I am not complaining, just voicing my opinion and expressing my struggles as an indie author. Most of us are blessed with reaping very little benefit other than the personal satisfaction of bringing what we have in our hearts and minds to life and receiving a few good reviews. I love what I do and I guess that is all of the fuel that I need to keep going.

Three Months Time

Three months ago I said I was not going to submit to anymore agents or publishers. I said I “was not going to wait for someone to tell me that I am good enough”, but three months ago I had just barely stepped into the ring, joining the legions of self-published authors swimming against the tide to claim the title for “Best Seller”. I had no idea that there was more than agreeing to the terms and conditions that Amazon required before one’s book was live and ready for purchase. Writing the book was easy. The hard part is marketing and building a platform. I am a part of Lord knows how many Facebook author/writer/blogger/editor groups my news feed is a long list of confusion. And, in each and every one of those groups that claim to offer support and advice to authors is just another place for authors to saturate news feeds with their latest works, and it makes it difficult for anyone to make any sense of it all.

Then, there are the authors who consider themselves established because they are selling more than $1.50 a week, and their noses are so up their own behinds they hardly want to offer any advice to a newbie author for reasons that are more than obvious. Self-publishing has become a cut throat swamp of authors who only think about themselves-which they should to some degree because the hard work as well as the costs fall on their shoulders, but still. Authors should support each other because who is better suited to understand the highs and lows of writing? So unless one can quit their day jobs and live lavishly off of their work, there is still much more ground to cover and it doesn’t hurt to at least throw someone who is new to the game a bone.

Three months ago I did not have anything else in completion that I could believe in again that would capture the attention of an agent or a publisher. Now I do. I finished Blind Salvation two weeks ago, spent hours working on my queries, synopsis, outline and researching potential agents and publishers that might spend less than 15 seconds on my submission and I decided to give it another go. Self-publishing is fine…its perfect for those who want 100% control over their work but I could not go another year writing something that I am in love with without trying to see if an agent would love what I had I had devoted a great portion of myself too. 11 agents and 13 publishers later, so far I have been declined by four, which is fine and I am waiting to see what the others will have to say. In three months I will know if I will be offered a contract, or if I should go back to the drawing board or just focus on developing my career in self publishing.

In the mean time I am working on four additional works to keep my mind off of sitting around checking my email every 15 seconds for a reply. In the mean time I have also created a personal website, an author page, and I have been offering my services to other independent authors to help promote their newest releases. I have also scored a book on self publishing to help me further understand what I am up against and in three months time when I reflect on this blog, I will be much more in tuned with myself as writer, as a business person (because let’s face it, the books that we authors create are our brands), and should a newbie author ask for a bone, I will give him or her a whole dinner plate. I guess I should use the quarter system to evaluate my personal growth: all I need is three months time.

Halfway Point

The time is drawing close for me to wrap up Blind Salvation and begin the query process all over again. Fortunately this time I feel much more prepared on the “How to” process, what I should look for and how to implement my strategy in seeking representation. This time, I am not worried. I feel as if they like it, then they  like it. But if they don’t then I have options. I believe that 2015 will be a good year not just for myself but for any author who has suffered a series of rejections, lack of support from family and friends and just the feelings of defeat that come with being a creative individual with a vision no one understands.

I am at the halfway point in my journey as an author. Now, I just have to make my way to the finish line.

Love Will Remember

There is something about you that has made me question the boundaries of my sanity for months now. You have sparked quite the conundrum in my heart; somehow, you worked your way into the very chambers that I thought I had locked for someone else, found the key and let yourself right into the doorway of my soul. I told myself that it was nothing more than a crush that would go away at some point…quickly I had hoped. But then, I found myself daydreaming about your presence to the point of madness. Is it obsession? No. I do not claim you nor do I hope to claim you or mark you as my eternal territory. I wanted-no I want to set you free. I don’t want you to fall victim to my love; I want you to find yourself. Explore. Fall in love with someone else. Not me.

It is unsettling to remember the times when you were not the object of my affection; but even during those times, there were moments when I felt like I knew you. I knew you. One upon a time in another life I knew you. My soul recognized you in a different form from a different present. I may have marked you as mine from long ago, but in this present you do not belong to me. You can NOT belong to me. Perhaps in another life, under different circumstances we can reunite. If I didn’t forget you in the last meeting we shared I will not forget you in the next. I suppose that in this lifetime there are lessons that we did not learn in the past and we must face them now so when we meet again, we will be better equipped to deal with this eternal burn we have for each other.

The bass of your voice awakens me; renders me your servant. Only you can do that. Only you can call forth what I keep hidden from most with very little resistance. I told you once before that you know me. You may not have recognized my voice but your soul remembered. If I managed to love you past a lifetime then, I will love you past a thousand lifetimes from here on out. So, go. Please. And do not look back until we have breathed out last breaths in this lifetime. Live. Grow. Time separated us by a few years for a reason… and our purpose is not for each other but for someone else. I will see you soon in Forever.

-Delizhia.

“Love will remember you…and love will remember me. I know it inside my heart,
Forever will, forever be ours,
Even if we try to forget,
Love will remember”- Selena Gomez